


You are Held

by BlackWidette



Category: American Horror Story: Apocalypse, American Horror Story: Coven, Law & Order: SVU, Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Acts of Kindness, Any Kind of Trauma, Childhood Trauma, Concilium, Dissociation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, Feeling Fragile, Feeling Safe, Feeling Small, Feeling Weak, Female Friendship, Female Identifying, Friendship, Gen, Healing, Inclusive Writing, Kindness, Love, Magic, Medical Trauma, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Sexual Trauma, Sisterhood, Temporary feelings, Trauma, Women Being Awesome, Women Supporting Women, being held, compassion - Freeform, feeling vulnerable, healing trauma, post trauma, you are loved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:23:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27692075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackWidette/pseuds/BlackWidette
Summary: For those needing to feel safe. ♡---For current or future female-identifying persons.---This piece does not describe depictions of traumatic events, only alludes to their existence in an ambiguous way.---The detective's strong arms that carry you through the quiet, dark apartment make your heart shudder in gratitude for the six women in your life that somehow found you amongst the chaos of it all to be here with you now and the blessing makes you bury your head into Olivia's shoulder with a shaky breath as the weight of what has happened threatens to suffocate you.The five other sets of footfalls that echo on the wooden floorboards around the detective as she cradles you touch on such a raw and fragile nerve within you that you can feel your breath shiver in your chest, Olivia's hands giving the gentlest of squeezes...
Relationships: Alexandra Cabot & Reader, Alexandra Cabot (L&O: SVU) & You, Cordelia Foxx | Cordelia Goode & Reader, Cordelia Foxx | Cordelia Goode & You, Emma Swan & Reader, Emma Swan & You, Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan, Misty Day & Reader, Misty Day & You, Misty Day/Cordelia Foxx | Cordelia Goode, Olivia Benson & Reader, Olivia Benson & You, Olivia Benson/Alexandra Cabot, Regina Mills & Reader, Regina Mills & You
Kudos: 16





	You are Held

**Author's Note:**

> I tried very hard to write this in an ambiguous enough way that it would be as inclusive as possible to hopefully allow female-identifying readers an opportunity to experience some warmth and healing. 
> 
> If you are looking for guidance, I wrote this with Olivia and Alex from Season 5 in mind. Emma and Regina from Season 4. And Misty and Cordelia post Apocalypse. 
> 
> Though, I strongly encourage you to imagine what fits your experience and interpersonal connective desire. If you want them to be black, imagine them black. If you want them to be a mix of ethnicities and ages, imagine them so. If you want them all to be trans women, imagine them trans women. If you want Misty and Cordelia to be children, imagine them children. If you think you're too big to be carried, imagine Liv is strong enough or Regina is helping with magic. If you can't speak, imagine yourself signing or speaking to them telepathically. If you can't hear, imagine them signing or speaking to you telepathically...
> 
> Please, choose to imagine whatever you need, after all; 
> 
> **This is for you.**

The detective's strong arms that carry you through the quiet, dark apartment make your heart shudder in gratitude for the six women in your life that somehow found you amongst the chaos of it all to be here with you now and the blessing makes you bury your head into Olivia's shoulder with a shaky breath as the weight of what has happened threatens to suffocate you. 

The five other sets of footfalls that echo on the wooden floorboards around the detective as she cradles you touch on such a raw and fragile nerve within you that you can feel your breath shiver in your chest, Olivia's hands giving the gentlest of squeezes where they hold beneath your knees and upper back as she whispers to you softly. 

"It's okay 'Ressie, we're almost there." 

The appellation that the group of women gave you a few years ago warms your heart to hear and you think back to the memory of the seven of you spread out one evening on Alex's various lounge furniture while Emma and Misty so adamantly impressed upon everyone how the abbreviated moniker of 'empress' would be perfect for you... 

Emotion wells in your chest when too much of your body hurts to feel deserving of such a title and you can't help but think that you've let these incredible matriarchs down as the memories of what happened to you stabs too acutely at your psyche. 

"I don't feel much like an empress..." You whisper hoarsely.

You can feel Liv opening her mouth to respond as she follows Alex down the hall when Cordelia's firm yet warm voice hits your ears from a few steps behind you both. 

"Hey, enough of that. You know damn well that you are a warrior." 

"Yeah, 'Ress." Emma's voice kicked up from the tail of the group. "You will never be anything but."

A hum of agreement from Regina and a 'mhmm' from Misty float through the hallway behind you and the shaky breath of disbelief that you pull in as you hear how much you have their support sends tears to spill from your eyes into the lapels of Olivia's jacket, earning you another gentle squeeze as she steps into the bedroom after Alex. 

The soft bedside lights flare magically to life as soon as Cordelia steps over the threshold behind you and you're grateful for the gentle light, your head already hurting enough from emotional and sensory overload to be able to handle the brightness of the ceiling globe. 

"Would you like to shower?" Liv asks quietly as she slows, the vibrations of her voice rumbling against where you are being held to her chest, sending a warm balm wrapping around your aching heart. 

All you want is to wash the feeling of greasy foulness from your skin yet you don't think you have the energy for such a thing yourself and the thought of being bathed right now, even by the women that make you feel more respected than you ever thought was possible in your markedly chaotic life, makes you just want to curl into a ball and cry at the thought of being so vulnerable with how fragile you feel.  
Tears fall heavier from your eyes and all you can do in answer is to open your mouth and let words fail you until a sob cracks at the back of your throat. 

"Hey, hey, hey." Liv stops in the middle of the bedroom and squeezes you as she looks to Alex for help with pain filled eyes. "'Ressie honey, it's okay... You're safe." 

The ADA immediately moves back to you both while Cordelia and Misty stop inside the door, Regina and Emma entering to stand beside the witches, all clearly worried but standing back enough to give you space and let Olivia and Alex take the lead in their own home. 

"Liv is right 'Ress." Alex's warm timbre floats over you as her hands come to rest soothingly on your arm and leg, her thumbs rubbing your skin gently. "You're always safe with us. If you want to wash, we'll help you but it's okay if it's too much right now..." 

You let a breath out into Olivia's collar past your tears. 

"What do you need?" Alex coaxes softly. 

You know her words of safety hold only truth, but something inside of you has momentarily dropped away and you can't speak for the weight of the darkest, most shameful parts of your existence. All you can do is turn your head to look helplessly into Alex's blue eyes, completely overwhelmed. 

"Okay..." Alex whispers, sensing your distress and placing a delicate kiss on your forehead. "... It's okay. Come on..."

She puts a hand on Liv's back, guiding her to the end of the bed where the brunette carefully sits down with you cradled in her lap and you try to hold back a whimper from the ache wracking through your tired body, burying your shame of it back into the safety of the detective's shoulder.

"Mist," Alex looks over to the curly haired swamp witch as she carefully watches from within her Supreme's arms beside the door. "Do you think you could do your thing? Tell us what she needs most right now?" 

"O'course." Misty whispers, leaving Cordelia's side and moving towards the bed to kneel down in front of you, her hand resting softly on your arm. "Is that o'kay Miss 'Ress? That I use my concilium with ya?"

You turn to Misty to reply when you feel a wave of nausea and light-headedness rush through you as a cold sweat leaches from your pores just before your body sags and your muscles lose all strength to hold you as your head falls back and you feel yourself dip into darkness. 

"Woah, alright..." Liv lets out as she shifts you urgently, slipping her hand from under your legs as she adjusts her hold around your back so that her shoulder and upper arm is supporting the back of your head while she shakes you slightly, using her free hand to stroke firmly at your cheek. "Ressie? You're okay. C'mon now, stay with us." 

You feel your brain sluggishly claw back to conciousness, your energy depleted, and all you can do is take a shallow breath, struggling to open your heavy eyelids as you try to focus your swimming mind. 

"I'msrry..." The words that come from your mouth sound slurred and so foreign that it causes tears to fill your eyes with how affected and fragile you feel. 

"Ress..." Emma whispers hoarsely. 

She moves across the room to kneel beside Misty and takes your hand while looking up into your half-lidded and blurry eyes. 

"Please don't be sorry. You have nothing to apologise for... There is no judgement here. They did this. Okay? It's on them, no one else. Okay?"

Heavier tears well in your eyes for how needed her words are as you look into her own emotional yet adamant green ones and your tears begin to roll down your cheeks as you squeeze her hand in gratitude and let out a sob. 

"Can Misty read you?" She asks gently, squeezing your hand back and offering a watery smile. "... We just want to make you as comfortable as we can right now without you having to exhaust yourself by finding words, that's all." 

You've let Misty into your mind before, but it was always controlled, calm, never while upset let alone as drained and sensitive as you are right now...  
Regardless, your exhaustion calls the shots and you nod emotionally at Emma before looking to Misty and nodding tearily at her too, so grateful that they understand that words are too beyond reach at the moment. 

Misty takes your hand from Emma's as she whispers "we love you" and backs up to be met by Regina as they give you space and emotional support for what's to come. 

Your heart constricts and aches with hope at her words, a heavier rush of tears pushing quietly down your face and you don't know how to be...

"Jus' squeeze my hand n' think so if ya want me t' back out, 'kay?" Misty offers softly. 

You blink down at the curly-haired witch and nod again, your heart thumping with the vulnerability and anxiety of letting Misty in to see where your head is at right now and you hold your breath in preparation when you suddenly feel her warmth brush against your thoughts and it's like sunlight on your skin with the peaceful sound of wind through the trees and the smell of wildflowers as she slips gently into your mind. 

"Oh... Miss 'Ress... " 

Misty's eyes fill with tears and you can't help but let in another sob at her presence as your breath shudders free. 

You can see her looking at the chaos of your thoughts, your memories... You can feel her feeling your residual despair, the pain in your body, your fragility, your utter overwhelm... your monumental shame and... the suffocating fear of rejection for it all...

Tears fall hard and fast from your eyes as you share your conciousness with the earthy goddess, Misty's tears dropping down her own face from feeling the weight of your internal afflictions. 

Your body shudders against Liv's torso with every raggedly vulnerable breath that you cry and you feel the detective's thumbs begin to brush gentle lines of support where she holds you and you can only sob harder for it. 

"Thank you..." Misty offers in a shaky whisper as she touches so gently against your memories. "Thank y' for sharin' with me..." She pauses and you can feel her steadying herself against the intensity of how you feel them. "Please-... Please don't feel ashamed of 'em..." She chokes out. "... Or for how differently ya could'a handled 'em..." She adds as she wipes at her tears and blinks up at you. "You're amazin'. Ya know that? Y' are so strong n' so worthy of our love... All of it! Nothin' is ever gonna change that... _Ever._ "

You can't speak for the tidal wave of emotion rolling in your chest to choke at the back of your throat and you try so hard to allow your tension to drop away and just believe her words, wanting so badly to trust and allow it in. ...But your fear has control, and fustration broils into the tempest around your heart for how much you want to let go and can't.

"Hey..." Misty whispers gently. "You're bein' too cruel with y'self. Ya don't have t' be strong all the time, or be able to let us in. Goddess knows ya ain't had much that allows ya that breath. But we've got ya Miss. We'll carry ya for a bit, 'kay? We promise you're safe." 

You close your eyes as you feel your body wracking with sobs and you grit your teeth against it all. 

Misty squeezes your hand a little harder and it draws your blurry eyes to hers. 

"Can they join me?" She motions up at Liv with a lift of her chin. "So they can understand where ya are n' help too?"

Your breath catches as you look up at Alex with Liv in your peripherals and then to Emma and Regina before turning to Cordelia... All of them watch you quietly, judgement-free, just simply holding space for your pain. The thought of these phenomal women, that you are so fortunate enough to call friends, being able to see into your cruellest trauma and darkest thoughts... It overwhelms you and your heart floods with hope. All you've ever wanted is to share this awful weight, all of it, and be loved regardless.  
But all the times that you have let your walls down and have been wounded for it enters your thoughts and what just happened to you flashes to the forefront of your mind and your brain clamps down around you, your heart falling heavy and frantic with the memories as your mind becomes too protective of the delicate muscle in your chest to allow it to hope...

Your jaw trembles with the internal war of it and Misty witnesses it all. She feels it all with you and, in so many ways, you're grateful for it because she understands why. She understands your broken trust and violated boundaries, your scars and fragile heart. She understands your pain and your fear for more of it...

"I do..." She whispers and the verbalisation of it makes your heart pound against its cage.

Of course you want to let them in.

She feels it. 

She looks up at Liv and nods. 

You know, logically, that these women are mindful, concious, intelligent, compassionate, patient, understanding human-beings who won't hurt you. You know that they wouldn't judge you for the way your life played out or who you are now because of it. You know that they know you, and that underneath your armour you're simply still learning how to navigate all the baggage and weight that has been dumped on you in life. You logically and transpersonally know all of this, but the fear of shame, the fear of losing them... It's like a dagger being held to your hostage heart, pressed so tight against it in threat that a thin line of blood is trickling forth... 

Your heart kicks into overdrive as Alex moves closer and sits beside Liv, resting her hand on your knee as Regina moves to the other side to sit while Emma stands infront of her, beside you, both placing their hands on your shoulder, Cordelia kneeling beside Misty to take your hand with hers, and as the last physical connection is made, you feel them all brush lightly against your thoughts, guided there by Misty's power of concilium before they all slip into your mind. 

You gasp as they fill your head. Each energy their own signature and their occupancy leaves you breathless until your heart tightens with overwhelm as you realise them seeing... you.

All of you.

New tears slide down your face in the shocked silence as your memories of the night just passed are pulled forwards and you shudder, your nervous system going into higher alert as such vulnerable parts of you are put on display and you close your eyes against the shame hanging over the back of your neck and head. 

"... Ress..." 

It's Regina's voice, heavy with emotion, that hits your ears as her grip turns rigid on your shoulder... All six women can feel your fear and shame for their presence in your temporarily damaged and chaotic psyche, but it's Regina looking at your most painful memory that makes your heart thunder against your chest as it plays in a section of your mind that you can't help but focus on and it pulls a somatic flinch from you in response. 

"Ress, I'm-..." Regina's voice is croaky as she continues to watch and you can feel hurt and barely restrained anger coming off of her in waves. . "... I'm _so_ sorry..." 

The severity of your distress and Regina's words draw the others to turn towards the memory too and Liv immediately stiffens against you, Alex's hand tensing on your knee as Emma's grip tightens on your shoulder and Cordelia's fingers squeeze hard around your own. All of them feel your pain as they watch and it's too much, Misty alone had made you cry, but this... Your body suddenly feels too still for what's happening in your mind and your nervous-system instantly begins to tremble as the keenness of the memory causes parts of your body to twitch without your permission before a suffocating depression washes over you. 

You continue to sob in emotional overwhelm, unable to help feel heartbreakingly ashamed for what was just witnessed and terrified that the truth of it will drive your friends away.  
You don't want these memories... Or what happened to you in the past... You don't want what happened to you tonight, you don't want your friends to see it and you don't want to continue living with this bullshit. New tears well in your eyes. All you want to do is stop thinking, stop feeling, stop being... 

"Hey... Ress, you're okay." Liv's tone and mind are heavy with worry for your dark thoughts but the cruelty continues to play and you jerk against her body, tears cascading down your cheeks as you pray to have the ease of unconsciousness before a chill runs through your veins and you feel a dissociative numbness begin to creep over you. 

"That's enough." Liv's direction to the others is shaky but firm as she frames your atramentous grief and throws a blanketing wave of love through your mind before Misty pulls everyone swiftly from the memory. 

The detective's arms slide around you more fully, shifting you slightly in order to hug you as your tears rapidly dry on your face while you disconnect from the world around you and begin to shut down, your body continuing to tremble in the outskirts of your awareness. 

"Hey, it's okay." She squeezes you urgently. "You're okay. You're safe now... Stay with us..."

"We love you, Ress." Cordelia says with a soft squeeze of your hand as she recalls the feel of your shame and fear. "That was never going to change..."

"We're so sorry for what you've been through..." Emma whispers. "Please don't, for a second longer, feel ashamed that we've seen this..."

"If we'd have known, if we'd have been there..." Regina says through gritted teeth. "It would have been-" She swallows down her anger. "It would have been hard not to have taken justice in blood..." 

"Damn straight." Misty agrees with a fire in her tone. 

"... What can we do?" Alex asks softly, a quiver in her voice. 

You know their words would usually make your heart swell with love but you can't feel much beyond insurmountable desolation and the nagging desire to just simply be knocked out...

You feel everyone's worry at feeling the depression and dissociation flooding your thoughts and if you were able to face them you'd see the tears in their eyes for witnessing you being hurt so cruelly. 

Even with all the emotional space they're giving you, being unable to feel much outside of an eery nothingness makes you feel like you're giving up and in doing so are somehow letting them down... The thought only makes your mood darken and you pray again to cease. 

"Oh Ress..." Cordelia whispers emotionally. "We love you..."

"You feeling and responding to these things that hurt you could never be letting us down..." Regina says assuredly. "Ever." 

"You're allowed to feel however you need to feel after awful traumas like you've been through." Liv adds." You're human... Allow yourself that kindness. Allow yourself to be human." 

"If you need to be angry, be angry." Regina offers with a spark in her eye. "If you need to be sad, be sad. If you need to punch things, punch things. If you just simply need to be held, we'll hold you..."

"We love you so much and that hasn't changed." Alex warms as she wipes her eyes with her free hand. 

"There's no judgement here Miss. We want ya t' be however ya need t' be..." 

"And we just want to be here for you while you process it and work through it... However perfectly imperfect that happens." Cordelia confirms. "If you'll allow us that honour..." 

"This is not a linear journey." Liv insists. "There's no time frame you can put on healing. And we have no expectations of yours. But we need you to know that we're here for you through all of it, to support you and lift you up if you forget how."

"... And to be here like this on days that are dark." Emma whispers past her tears. 

Your heart shudders as such incredible words thaw at your numbness and tears stream down your face again as you begin to cry for all the times you didn't have this and needed it... As your dissociation slips away, warmth pushes through your body and you want to voice your immense gratitude but your head throbs in overwhelm and words are so beyond you as fatigue washes over you in reminder of your limited capacities and just how much you've been through this evening. 

They feel it all and Liv hums against you in response. 

"Let's lie you down." She says as she acknowledges your exhaustion and the clear fact that you need rest and sensory ease above all else right now and she slides her arm back under your legs as she prepares to lift you again.

Slowly they all pull their hands from where they hold you and you wait for their conciousnesses to drop away from inside your head but you can still feel everyone's worry for your building headache and the waves of depression that are gradually taking you over. You frown in confusion and look down to see Cordelia holding hands with Misty, helping her to maintain her powers of Concilium without the need for a physical connection.

Their compassion and pride for how raw and brave you've been with them filters through all you're feeling and even more tears run from your eyes as your heart swells with the magnitude and omniscience of their support just when the pain in your head wraps around your skull and stabs at your temples. 

Liv feels you wince as you let out a trembling breath against her chest and she gives another squeeze of support as she gently stands with you and walks around to the side of the bed before lowering you delicately into the middle of it.

The feeling of the back of your throbbing head hitting the pillows is so overwhelmingly holding and more tears sneak out the sides of your eyes as you roll yourself gingerly towards Liv who sits beside your head on the edge of the matress while you tuck up into a foetal position. 

Her hand is at your forehead within seconds and she strokes up into your hair in a soothing motion that feels so nurturing and so amazing on your overworked mind that you take a great shuddering breath into your lungs, your ribs rising shakily before you let it out in a sigh as you allow your body to sink into the matress and lose yourself in the calm motions. 

The weight of your aching brain and body and the exhaustion of such an overwhelming evening begins to pull you down towards unconsciousness until the bed dips and you blink your eyes open to see Cordelia sitting beside Liv as she gives you a gentle smile.

"I'm going to magic you clean, okay?"

Liv's hand lifts away and you feel your breath catch at the reality of needing to be washed but Cordelia's hand slides beneath yours before your thoughts can spiral and she holds tightly to you. 

"You are held here..." She reminds you softly as she rubs her thumb over your fingers. "I want to do this for you, only to make this experience gentler for you." 

Tears fall from your eyes and you nod so minutely with so much shame running through you that you think maybe she changed her mind until a warmth delicately encases your body and the relaxing sensations of soaking in a bath sink over you. 

It is so tranquilisingly welcome that you feel everything slacken completely before a sudden feeling of relief and freshness washes through your previously sweaty and grime filled pores. Cordelia's hand squeezes yours lovingly and your chest shudders with gratitude at the catharsism as you take a deep breath and let it out in a trembling sigh that pulls more tears from your eyes, your heart swelling with just how much you desperately want them all to stay with you, to keep holding you through this pain.

You squeeze her hand back and look up at her with tears blurring your eyes as you try to convey your thankfulness but you're just too tired.

She feels it though, they all do, in your mind, in your body language, and in the emotion twisting through your tear stained features. 

"We love you." Cordelia whispers and the truth of it is like a punch to the chest, it pulls a sob into your lungs and it floods out through your tears. "Oh Ress..."

She looks as if she wants to climb onto the bed beside you when Alex approaches and runs her hand along the back of Liv's neck as she murmers softly. 

"Can we make our bed bigger...?"

"That's an easy fix." Regina offers and Liv looks up at Alex before nodding to the mayor. 

Cordelia turns back to you as Liv stands to move with Alex across the room and she squeezes your hand warmly. 

"We're still right here..." She says gently before sliding her hand free and standing too. 

The six women move away and stand back to give Regina's magic space to work as she lifts her hand with a delicate twist and purple clouds billow into existence to encircle the bed around you, the size of the violet storm growing quickly to take up most of the room until, within seconds, the magic disperses and leaves the king-bed tripled in size, the bedside dressers shifted with it and the mattress you find yourself in the middle of easily big enough for dozens of people.

The pillow beneath your head has moved with you to the point that you're more than a body length from every edge of the matress. It leaves you feeling isolated and a little exposed, like a lonely island in the middle of a great ocean and you begin to tremble as tears leak from your eyes to slide sideways over your face and you find yourself desperately wishing that you could just stop feeling so small until Liv is suddenly there, climbing onto the bed and settling in front of you as she slides her hand into yours. 

"We're here." The look on her face shows clear love for you in the way that it is pained by how your body is tucked up in fright and she begins stroking her thumb over your fingers. "It's okay. We've got you... You're not small, Ress. You're so bright and powerful. Even now. I know you know it deep down... All that you're feeling is temporary, and so, _so_ normal."

More tears leak from your eyes and you take a shuddering breath while Regina conjures pillows around you and Liv pulls one under her head at an angle as Alex climbs behind her to lay a little higher on the matress, her chin just above the brunette's crown, looking at you with equal amounts of emotion in her blue eyes as she reaches over Liv's ribs to slide her hand next to her love's, both of them holding yours.

Your heart swells with how much these beautiful women are holding you and more tears roll free when the matress suddenly shifts behind you and your nervous-system responds with a jerk as you turn your head in fright, memories pulsing to the forefront of your thoughts. 

"Hey..." Cordelia calms with a hand on your upper arm as she sends a blanket of warmth through your consciousness while she looks down at you with worry, a gentle sadness playing behind her eyes as she sees and feels what plays in your mind. "You're alright, it's just us..." 

They all feel the weight of debasement that pulls through you as you close your eyes in shame and push the memories away, your head throbbing with exhaustion. 

"I'm so sorry..." Cordelia whispers above you as she softly pulls her hand away. "I should have warned you that we were here... Will it be okay if Misty and I lay behind you? It's alright if not. We don't want to crowd you or make you feel ambushed or trapped in any way..."

You can't help your brow scrunching or your features pulling inwards as more emotion pulls at your heart in gratitude for such mindfulness and holding, heavy tears pushing from beneath your eyes as you nod your consent with a sob before allowing yourself to fall back to facing the detective and ADA, your breath hitching and your tears dropping freely into the pillow. 

"You're doing amazingly." Alex whispers with a squeeze of your hand as they all feel your depression. "For all that has happened to you in the past and for what you went through tonight... You're doing amazingly... Please allow yourself to just be with it all..." 

You take a breath and try to permit the reality to wash over you but the mattress moves from Cordelia and Misty laying down behind you and your back twitches with unease at knowing there are bodies there yet not being able to see or feel them. It unnerves you and you feel guilt crawl up inside you for the way your nervous system is responding to two of the most caring and compassionate people you've ever met... 

"Hey, shhh." Cordelia's voice drifts gently over your back. 

"Please don't feel guilty, Miss..." Mysty consoles behind you too. "We don't take it personally..."

"After all you've been through..." Cordelia continues. "It makes perfect sense that you'd want to be oriented to your surroundings. Here..." 

You feel the matress jossle as Cordelia sends warmth and a warning of touch through your mind before you feel the brush of her knee against the heels of your feet from where you are still tucked into a foetal position and she leaves it there, keeping contact, just as she also rests her hand on the mattress against your shoulder blade. 

"Is this okay?" 

She feels the answer without you needing to respond as something about there being a confirmed and comforting connection enables your nervous system to relax with them at your back and she let's out a soft hum. 

A movement near your crown catches your attention and a sense of safety is pushed through your mind that is so clearly from Emma as you tilt your chin up to find yourself looking into Regina's brown eyes as she lays perpendicular to everyone above your heads while the blonde settles behind her with her head similar to Alex's, slightly above Regina's and able to blink warmly at you. 

Having all these incredible women around you, is so phenomenonally holding and your chest shudders in gratitude as you bring your head down and close you eyes, taking a deep breath and feeling your fatigue pulling at you. 

The temperature in the room is comfortable yet Regina conjures blankets for everyone with a twist of her wrist and soft knitted-cotton settles over you. The added layer between your body and the unknown surprises you in how much it warms your heart and makes you feel even safer...

A softness floats through your mind and you recognise it as a hum of welcome from Regina before she alerts you mentally to the incoming touch of her hand replicating Liv's soothing strokes to your forehead. 

"You're safe..." She warms as her fingers gently run up your brow into your hairline and your body releases the last of its tension into the mattress. 

"If you need help, we're here, Ress." Alex whispers. "If you need food, we're here. If you have nightmares we're here. If you need to cry, we're here. If you need to scream, we're here. If you need to punch the wall, we're here... Please lean on us if you need to." 

"It's okay to..." Cordelia reassures from behind you. "We want to help you through this... However that presents itself..."

"No shame, Ress." Regina whispers above you. "We're here for you."

"Because we love you." Emma urges. 

"So freakin' much..." Misty's voice washes over you.

Their words fill your heart with such holding that it feels like the muscle might burst as it expands with the magnitude of their compassion and love. Before you met these women, you never would have believed that being held like this was possible let alone something you could have. But here they are, loving you and supporting you through your pain. 

You take a great trembling breath, filling your lungs to capacity before letting it out in a heavy, exhausted sigh. 

"Rest now." Liv whispers with a squeeze of your hand, her thumb brushing gently over your fingers in time with Regina's soft strokes to your forehead, and it's the synchrinicity of the motions that finally pulls you down into warm unconsciousness. 

Knowing that whatever the future holds, you can always return to this memory in your mind, feeling completely held and safe, and so incredibly loved. 

_"We've got you..."_

_"Always."_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for being here. On this planet and visiting this work. I hope that wherever you are, physically and emotionally, that you can feel the love I have for you. 
> 
> This piece came about from a form of cognitive-behavioural therapy I've been working with called image rehearsal therapy. It's essentially imagining a 'rescripting' or 'rewriting' of a traumatic event that is bothering you. 
> 
> I am affected by nightmares of my traumatic experiences and dealing with the aftermath of them on my own is often pretty debilitating and leaves me pretty shaken in the middle of the night. 
> 
> Sometimes I will lay in bed almost meditating as I rewrite the whole experience in my mind so that 'I' (in my rescripting) stop my abusers before they even get close, but lately I have found that my mind and heart has wanted me to be saved by external parties rather than being the hero myself.  
> I wondered about this and believe it's probably heavily due to the fact that I'm so without energy from so much disrupted sleep that even saving myself in my rescripts is too exhausting an obligation to imagine in the nervous state I'm in after a nightmare that I don't feel I have enough energy to save myself in my rescripts and desire someone else to do it for me. When I spoke to my psychologist she was only supportive as always and said that I don't always have to be the strong one, if I want to be saved, allow myself to be saved, my mind is my safe haven and anything I create is sacred and wanted for a reason, honour that.  
> Honour being human. 
> 
> It occurred to me that there might be some women and female-identifying humans out there who would also find some comfort in learning that image rehearsal therapy exists and I wanted to share a story that holds love and catharsis for those that still feel the pain of being hurt.
> 
> ♡❀❁✿♡
> 
> If there are any suggestions for how I can change my language to make this more inclusive, please don't hesitate to let me know, I am so open and holding for being alerted to mistakes I've made. I am human and wanting to learn.


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